Project: “Oh Dear God”

Google Co-Founder Sergey Brin, also known as the skinny Andrea Bocelli without the vocal talent and an ability to see that he’s ugly as sin was spotted wearing new augmented glasses at a charity event.

An Extra Limb

It takes a special kind of individual to shake off Facebook and it’s inevitable conquest to enslave the human race, forcing us to become serfs in the wheat farms of Zuckerbergtopia. In fact it takes a special kind of person to even limit the time they spend on the damn thing.

Can't hurt as bad as the blindness caused by your friends status updates.

Facebook has been around for a long time now, replacing older shit we used to use like Nexopia, Myspace and MSN (oh I feel old). But it never seems to grow old with us, which in my opinion is creepy, like the old lady next door who always seems to be in that special spot outside your window when you disrobe before a shower. It is never aging; not to say every website has a lifespan but EVERY WEBSITE HAS A LIFESPAN. Nothing gets completely wiped off an online map unless your bloody Google+ who managed a few months of hype and a quick metaphorical decapitation at the hands of Facebook and it’s two hundred trillion lackies on the sidelines cheering it on like it was giving a proper spank to a serial arsonist.

I blame boredom for this kind of Internet behavior and our lust for social media. We all harvest this private addiction to show off exactly what we’re doing every second of the day like there’s a gigantic medical house out back that’s going to increase your breast or dick size tenfold after surplus post counts. The fact of the matter is, the less time you spend sitting at home doing absolutely shit all the less opportunity there is to waste it away typing on Facebook exactly how you’re sitting at home doing absolutely shit all.

I’m in no way saying that social media is a bad thing, in fact without it this site would be read by nobody but myself, my mother and that creepy old lady next door. But I believe what you have in your hand is privacy, and an invasion of that is bad enough, but we don’t need the invasion to be instigated by your own hand. It’s like walking into the middle of your home, starting a fire then standing outside of it bitching because the house is engulfed in that very flame.

The Wayne.

Draw the End

IPhone applications are taking the world by storm. Literally by storm. There is shit everywhere. This is a metaphor. Who is the victim? the battery life of every smartphone capable of playing a game.

There was a time when the top game application was Angry Birds; not to say that it isn’t still at the top of it’s game, especially with the introduction of Angry Birds SPACE (add stars, make more money) people have flocked back to the game to waste more of their precious time in between fapping to the latest photo of celebrity X and eating a bowl of corn flakes while watching various shows on Netflix. But that’s all come to a halt with Draw Something.

Addiction in the palm of your hand. That's almost turning into a cliche.

I stumbled upon this by a friend who showed me that the tip of my finger could open an entire world of mangled stickman magic. Within this game is the power to not only conquer your friends in a type of Pictionary battle royale but the ability to butcher every single word that flocks in your general direction. My personal favorite? When it gives you a color.

The game is honestly a complete fucking waste. If you can’t figure out how to draw something and want the coins? Easy. Write the word to the opponent. Also, is it really necessary for us to be given coins as a reward to buy COLORS? Out of all things we have to buy: the very tools to play the fucking game. You don’t go to work to get paid in hugs and cheesecake; you want something substantial for your hard work amassing 200+ bloody coins. It’s not like I’m asking for a crown and bouquet of flowers but I’d prefer something other then the same colors in different shades when everyone knows the only colors you end up using are the default ones.

Le Blogger.

Coming at that Bro

Showing anger in public is like a boner let loose; nobody wants to see it, we know it exists, just keep it inside and hidden from the world. The aggressive nature some people have toward others or the planet itself can sometimes be borderline insane (which in my dictionary is another way of saying comical). The Liberal of our emotions, anger is the red tempered flaring of the nostrils, clenching of fists and gritting of teeth. It’s the spew of vocabulary that would make a caveman call you an idiot and a jumbled throat groggled reel of grunts that rival an ape. The come at me bro method is simply when in anger at someone; no matter how small the deal, fighting is what naturally must occur. To unleash the beast within and swing fist after fist into one another’s faces until you both look like grapes with limbs.

Seriously, come at him, because it's impossibru for him to get over to where you're currently standing.

It’s a humorous example of the very extreme form of anger. The guys who should probably stay with UFC and not stray far from or risk jail time. I like the angry people just below that. The guys who blow up on every little thing they disagree on. It’s like placing bets on a hockey game and punching a baby every time the opposing team gets a goal. I think most guys need to learn to keep their cool and stop getting all pissy every time something happens in their life that’s unfortunate. Honestly, if you are going to be that mad over something small maybe you should hold my hand and we’ll walk over to the store and buy you a set of testicles so you can man the fuck up. The stronger man is that who is not only humble (meaning not in need of bragging) and can hold a temper tantrum in for when he’s alone and in an insulated closet.

Watching Anger Management helped me. You have to wreck a baseball game and punch Jack Nicholson.

Le Blogger.

Learning? or Drooling?

If anyone has been to school you’ve had at least one day in the span of minimum a month, where you can’t keep your eyes open for the life of you. The brain is telling the body that you need to wake the hell up and pay attention to what’s going on and does your body listen? if left to nature no it won’t. Your eyelids will feel like someone is pulling them down with 2 ton weights, turning you into a drooling zombie right smack in the middle of class. Not only does this kind of mental drowsiness lead to sharpie mustaches on your face, and cartoon genitalia scribbled all over your notes and assignments, but your grades drop as well.

But what are we supposed to do? especially as a university student stress is knocking at your doorstep every 5 seconds. The kind of stress that makes you lose more hair then you would in chemotherapy and drinking so many energy drinks your cartoon comparison would be Thumper from Bambi. It’s a privilege to be a student, but at the same time it’s a curse, turning students into medical advertisements, showing the bright side of being a student, the future ahead of us.. but at the end of the ad revealing that side effects are drowsiness, depression, heart irregularities, sleep deprivation and a knack for studying an unhealthy amount of time.

Fuck our lives.

-Anonymous