An Extra Limb

It takes a special kind of individual to shake off Facebook and it’s inevitable conquest to enslave the human race, forcing us to become serfs in the wheat farms of Zuckerbergtopia. In fact it takes a special kind of person to even limit the time they spend on the damn thing.

Can't hurt as bad as the blindness caused by your friends status updates.

Facebook has been around for a long time now, replacing older shit we used to use like Nexopia, Myspace and MSN (oh I feel old). But it never seems to grow old with us, which in my opinion is creepy, like the old lady next door who always seems to be in that special spot outside your window when you disrobe before a shower. It is never aging; not to say every website has a lifespan but EVERY WEBSITE HAS A LIFESPAN. Nothing gets completely wiped off an online map unless your bloody Google+ who managed a few months of hype and a quick metaphorical decapitation at the hands of Facebook and it’s two hundred trillion lackies on the sidelines cheering it on like it was giving a proper spank to a serial arsonist.

I blame boredom for this kind of Internet behavior and our lust for social media. We all harvest this private addiction to show off exactly what we’re doing every second of the day like there’s a gigantic medical house out back that’s going to increase your breast or dick size tenfold after surplus post counts. The fact of the matter is, the less time you spend sitting at home doing absolutely shit all the less opportunity there is to waste it away typing on Facebook exactly how you’re sitting at home doing absolutely shit all.

I’m in no way saying that social media is a bad thing, in fact without it this site would be read by nobody but myself, my mother and that creepy old lady next door. But I believe what you have in your hand is privacy, and an invasion of that is bad enough, but we don’t need the invasion to be instigated by your own hand. It’s like walking into the middle of your home, starting a fire then standing outside of it bitching because the house is engulfed in that very flame.

The Wayne.

Learning? or Drooling?

If anyone has been to school you’ve had at least one day in the span of minimum a month, where you can’t keep your eyes open for the life of you. The brain is telling the body that you need to wake the hell up and pay attention to what’s going on and does your body listen? if left to nature no it won’t. Your eyelids will feel like someone is pulling them down with 2 ton weights, turning you into a drooling zombie right smack in the middle of class. Not only does this kind of mental drowsiness lead to sharpie mustaches on your face, and cartoon genitalia scribbled all over your notes and assignments, but your grades drop as well.

But what are we supposed to do? especially as a university student stress is knocking at your doorstep every 5 seconds. The kind of stress that makes you lose more hair then you would in chemotherapy and drinking so many energy drinks your cartoon comparison would be Thumper from Bambi. It’s a privilege to be a student, but at the same time it’s a curse, turning students into medical advertisements, showing the bright side of being a student, the future ahead of us.. but at the end of the ad revealing that side effects are drowsiness, depression, heart irregularities, sleep deprivation and a knack for studying an unhealthy amount of time.

Fuck our lives.

-Anonymous

Dumbass Corner #1 Jersey Fail

Although this spot is normally reserved for the most retarded of INDIVIDUALS, I feel it absolutely necessary to include the entire cast of Jersey Shore in the first segment of Dumbass Corner. My reasoning is simple, the collective brain cells gathered from every member = one brain. One brain, one individual. So let’s go from there.

The show is basically a gigantic guido/guidette soap opera. Whores and dipshits whining and complaining, biting and scratching, grappling in their handicapped net every STD known to man and the collective wisdom of a goldfish. How a show like this propels to stardom is beyond me, but it very clearly marks how the entertainment industry is spiraling into a non-stop flight path toward stupidity. People are literally giving hundreds of thousands of dollars to these shit heads for boosting their ego’s to the point of explosion on television, and whoring themselves out to randoms and each other.

There’s no plotline, there’s no real drama, it’s staged bullshit that they like to name “a jersey thing.” Or however they bloody pronounce it. It’s a televised disease poisoning the mind of anyone who watches it, drawing them in quicker than crack cocaine. Does that make the show good? no, the fact that Eiffel 65 got famous over one song is proof of that. This binge wont last forever, and soon enough the entire cast will end up back where they belong, in a trash can searching for hair gel and condoms.

Remember.. GTL.

- Anonymous