The flashing lights signify a musical entity at the end of a (for the most part) dark generation of music. Swooping through the class of the 40’s to the weed-worthy 70’s and the sexy but lighthearted Britney dominated 90’s years we’ve found ourselves in a rut. There hasn’t been a way to describe the last ten years except I don’t know, crap?

It’s been in need of some intuition and creative flow, like an injection piercing the very nipple of society like the Nazi regime, except instead of burning the Jews we urge them to spend money on CD’s (won’t happen). I’ll admit, there have been artists that have risen to this challenge and brought not only a new sound, but also the ability to compromise and reveal the true talent beneath the exterior that keeps them alive. LIGHTS, Nikki Yanofksy, The Black Keys and Florence + the Machine are a few of the many I am talking about. They resemble in my opinion the torches in what seems to be a very damp; STD and auto-tune ridden cave of unoriginality and lack of REAL talent.

There ain’t no photoshop in that hair.

Of course there’s always a point to an article and mine is the Flash Jam. They make up all the positives I’ve been talking about and I find them to be one of the few local artists that make their way onto my iPhone regularly (only 2-300 songs get this honor).  Since their EP I’ve always been a huge fan and attended the first CD release for that very album. They take what’s known to the musical population as mainstream and swing it left and right like an enormous, innovative pendulum, swaying visionary rock, pop and electronic sounds that make you literally want to get up and dance. Or at the very least tap your foot if you’re THAT guy.

Hope you all like the silhouette for the cover. It’s me in a g-string.

What I’m saying is to look them up on the Facebook Page below and “Like” them to keep updated with the new single “Lady Venom” and a string of others to be released in the coming year. They are not only great musicians but great individuals and they deserve to be at least heard.

The Flash Jam Facebook Page

The Wayne
Editor

Known as the Jeep “Mighty” it’s supposedly supposed to have not only the nastiest exterior design since the “Homer” from the Simpsons, but better handling than most modern-day vehicles and ANY of the current models in the Jeep roster. It’s a big shoe to fill saying it’s got that kind of handling, but taking 360 degree looks at the look of this car, one has to wonder where the money went in it’s design. The interior makes sense. I’m not completely sure if I agree with that idea however as it defeats the purpose of being inside the car; being aware that it’s not all about looks (I drive an Altima) you want your vehicle to drive well or you’ll end up being part of a tree on the side of a highway with your exhaust spraying your insides across the road like it was giving the asphalt a paint job. I just think you want to be proud to be inside that vehicle when you cruise around town kidnapping immigrants, fighting crime or stealing drug dealers lunch money packs. There’s no point being with a woman who repulses you in every form but escalate your voice in public to announce how amazing of a personality she has, and how you just have to look past her fang teeth, twenty-two moles on her nose and a forehead full of light fur and dandruff.

Bob the Builder YES WE CAN.

If it really does handle so well when you’re behind the wheel then of course it will do well. There are those among us who use our vehicles for non-commute driving such as bringing materials in and around an acreage. Nobody is really looking to win a car beauty pageant at that point, and handling of course is very essential. No driver wants to be that guy from Final Destination that lets loose a log from the back of their truck like a harpoon from hell into the skull of the guy driving behind them.

I wish the vehicle good luck, and although a concept model, it probably won’t change too much more from this or it’ll end up just being another Jeep, and that’s never a good thing. Unless you’re Australian, then you’d plow this thing faster than Nicki Minaj… in a snowstorm… shoveling.

The Wayne.

Editor

1. The Ass Grab
If you have to grab her arm, leg, ass, face, or any other body part, you’re obviously doing something wrong. Being on the dance floor does not give you permission to run your hands over any girl like you’re Mario collecting coins and magic mushrooms. If she does not give you permission, simply stick your tail between your legs and shuffle away. Shifting your attention to a new body part of hers is not going to change her mind. Receiving the Jenna Marbles look means no. Walking away means no. Getting slapped means no. No means fucking no.

2. The Whistle
This refers to all forms of cat calling, such as: howling, shouting, barking, etc.
This has got to be the most annoying “technique” ever. I can guarantee if you ask any female whether she regards this as flattering, the answer will be an absolute no. WE ARE NOT DOGS!!! What do men expect when they do this? You look and sound like a monkey.. We’ve evolved, have we not?

3. Hollar n’ Diss.
Calling her hot, then misinterpreting her “uhhh thanks?” for an I want a drink, then take me home, does not make her the dumbass here. Anyone who has ever interacted with another human being knows when he or she is making another uncomfortable. If she declines your offer of a drink, this does not make her uglier, or a slut. If you are guilty of this, you’re simply a desperate asshole, and who wants to sleep with that.

4. Diss ‘n Hollar
Self-explanatory, DAFUQ?

5. A drink does not equal ass.
Just because you can afford a three-dollar drink does not mean you’re some high rolling executive from New York. This simply means you’re desperate enough to flaunt your money for some ass. Most females can see through this, and are wise enough to accept the drink, and then pull the dreaded “I hafta pee” line.

Trust me, as girls we enjoy the process of getting ready to go out. Sometimes this process is more fun than the actual going out part, especially if we have to run away from sex crazed gorillas all night.
Don’t be a douche, and don’t get creepy like Ronnie.
You’re welcome.

The Adrienne.

Guest Author

You may be born ugly, made ugly or try to be ugly, but whatever road you took to arrive at the destination that is your repulsive self there remains a united accessory.

Like a fast food uniform your sole desire is not just to “dress like the other guys” but also to make yourself stand out. To be feared. To be noticed. To avert ones eyes from seeing your true self; the disgusting waste of skin rivaled in charm by a steaming pile of excrement. The four individuals in cinematic history I’ve chosen aren’t of course what everyone else should think, there are of course more masked men than a gay pride parade in San Francisco. But in my opinion I believe anyone who looks upon any of these masks has the ability to not only instantly recognize who that person may be, but the movie, genre and knowledge to name the mask a hero or villain.

DARTH VADER

The Emperors right hand man. Except not really, more like left hand man.

I think the easiest of them all; Star Wars has affected our lives so much (and caused many tears from the mothers of sixty year old sons currently occupying their basements). From talk of the “force” to Star Wars Kinect (a giant should stoop so low) villains like Darth Vader continue to incite a powerful response. I can’t count on both hands how many Vader’s I see every Halloween hopping door to door nabbing candy. Then there are the ones force-choking chicks at house parties. And this is AFTER the candy nabbing, you naughty ten year olds.

JASON

In the NHL his team would have always won. Kind of hard to lose when the opposing team are all dead.

The man who instead of stopping pucks, shoves it straight down your throat to create some of the most creative kills in cinematic history. I love Jason because he has one of the biggest “I don’t give a fuck” attitudes out of all baddies. He’s taken bullets, explosions, dismembered limbs and even a slashing by Freddy Kruger that left him with more scratches than a couple angry girlfriends in a cat fight. The minute you see this mask most people will think of a slow fog drifting into the woods, a “psh-psh-psh-psh-psh-psh-cha-cha-cha-cha-cha” noise, followed by a teenager dying in the middle of intercourse, HEYO.

GHOSTFACE (SCREAM)

Known for the ‘Scary Movie’ films more than his own. Kind of a fail.

Although known widely around the world as “that guy who kills people in Scream” the real force behind the movies is Ghostface. He doesn’t always have the same killer behind the mask, but the point of the article is on that piece of plastic in front that only comes off in the final ten minutes of the movie. Since I was blabbing about Halloween I’d like to say this is one of the most over-used pieces of Halloween accessories to date. This mask has almost turned into the “oh I forgot to buy a costume, I’ll buy this mask and a plastic knife and be good.” NO.

SPIDER-MAN

The web-slinger (and the only person) to have been so crazy to screw a date up with Bryce Howard.

Yes, the web slinging on weeknights, journalist on weekdays teenager is my final pick of the four. I believe there isn’t a person in the world who can witness one of the millions of three year olds strutting around with a spider-man shirt on and say “oh, I don’t know who that is, kind of looks like a luchador.” Spidey, the smart-ass who beat everything from the Green Goblin, Doctor Octopus and Sandman to… Topher Grace, (because we know damn well it wasn’t Venom) is the one of the largest faces of the DC Universe. I loved him whether he used web cartridges, or sprayed webbing out of his wrists like the lead singer of Chemical Romance sprayed his sadness on the walls with nothing but a razorblade and a defeatist directive.

Whether you agree with some of my thinking or not, you can simply put your hate/love in the comments below or send me e-mail like you always bloody do. I know it’s a longer article than normal, and I realize with your attention deficit mental problems it was about as hard as studying an algebra booklet, or watching a Kardashian talk about politics, but you have to realize… once in a while I’ve got to put effort into this site.

The Wayne.
Editor

I bet you Home Depot doesn’t have this wallpaper.

I found this picture randomly and am fascinated at this. Not just because it reminds me of the Number 13 or redrum from the Shining, but the fact that it’s been so carefully laid out. Think about this: if this guy did everything line by line throughout the abandoned house, what would happen if he ran out of space? There’s not exactly a backspace or the ability to change the font. No, until he joins Hogwarts he’s stuck with ensuring he has the proper space on all walls or risk having to move the words outside, where risks of rainfall, snow, or ravenous teenagers armed with nothing but spray paint and a bad attitude could befall the “what could be” amazing novelization about a man eating noodles.

I think the idea is just moronic unfortunately. Although being creative and obviously capturing the attention of myself and probably hundreds of others, it fails to be logical in its making. It’s like winning a large sum of money and stuffing it under your mattress with your porn collection thinking it will gain interest and stay safe forever. No all it takes is one bloody match to fall on the bed and your entire savings account goes up in flame. You just have to hope that this abandoned house doesn’t end up bursting into flame like a girls guide campfire or that’ll all have ended up being one big waste of squiggly lines. I mean Chinese characters.

The Wayne
Editor

So many stupid looks. Probably wondering why they signed up to be in this shit.

It starts off good enough, and I’ll admit has you in a frenzy right off the get-go wondering who will be the asshole, who will die first, who really is the alpha male in the group and who will grow a thumb on their forehead first as a result of radiation. You really don’t see it coming. What follows afterwards however is borderline hilarious for a person in the right mind. The decisions and inactions of particular characters (COUGH, THE FRENCH) are almost unbelievable, it’s so frustrating it’s like telling someone you know to take the million dollars on a game show and instead watch them slowly spout out the words “no” over and over. None of the characters show you any significance seeing as they are all about as useful as a piece of gum on the side of my shoe and the soldiers outside their door enforced this idea when they sealed them inside with their own filth and sexual diseases.

It drags on a lot, giving you nothing except a couple yelling fits and a poor mother who turns into the biggest whore-bag of the bunch. Overall I’d probably pass this movie in a second, and even if you do by chance get caught up seeing it you won’t remember most of the film by the time you walk out your front door.

The Wayne
Editor

The employee had apparently been handed two cups of ice-tea that were apparently “not sweet enough” for the customers liking. I imagine the duo had body types that ranged from Michelin Man to an over-inflated marshmallow, and an attitude that suggests they must get 5-star service out of a McDonalds, because a proper restaurant was simply too far for themselves, and the excessive waddling could create a rather nasty rash.

You can always trust dark people to make fast food right. Or filipinos.

I believe the employee was right; people need to calm their shit and realize a seven-dollar value meal isn’t worth giving an employee shit because your already unhealthy diet has been accidentally ruined by an accidentally better-for-you beverage. And don’t give me that “well I paid for it” crap; the bloody drink costs less than an elastic at Dollarama. I’m not in any way condoning of course the use of bodily fluids in people’s meals. In fact quite the opposite I think it’s downright disgusting that you’d expel any sort of fluid into another’s lunch like it was getting a facial after a rousing game of foreplay. There are better ways to take care of things than this, if it’s bothering you so bad help others out by letting management know, leaving you out of the crosshairs and more importantly, your food.

The Wayne
Editor

The smug look seconds before a railway sign took his head clean off.

Incredimazing via Smashing Magazine

The Wayne
Editor

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